Death Cab For Cutie — I Will Follow You Into The Dark
Going to see Death Cab tonight with Sara for her birthday! It’s the first concert I’ve gone to that isn’t a hardcore or pop punk show, so the chill environment will definitely be different for me. I’m excited though.
is a bad night. I haven’t had one in a while. They usual come when I’m at a breaking point, points where I’m tired and stressed with school, I’m hating work, and nothing really is going right. Every day I try not to think of you, but then someone ask me about you, or I see something that reminds me of you, or I talk to you. I don’t go a day without some kind of thought that involves you. I know these things aren’t easy but I just miss you, a lot lately….I don’t really talk to anyone about it because I don’t like to show emotions to people and well the topic of you makes me that way sometimes. I just wish I knew what you were doing and what you were thinking. We aren’t how we use to be. We’re fading. We barely speak anymore and when we do, I just don’t feel anything. You last leave was only 4 months and it’s now been 4 months with 3 more to go and I don’t know if it’s worth holding on to anymore. But when I think about moving on past you and trying to start over again, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. We’ve seriously had the most messed up relationship for the past almost 3 years now. It’s full of nothing but ups and downs. And when things finally became perfect and right between us a year ago, you had to leave. It’s not fair that we never had a chance. We’re perfect when your home, but 3 or 5 weeks out of a year is getting rough. I feel like you don’t care anymore and that feeling hurts worse then you not being here. It’s just one of those nights where it’s better for me to sit here and type this then keep it all inside, because then I won’t be able to fall asleep. As soon as I’m done I’ll probably send you a message about how I feel like I usually do and I’ll probably get the usual response some time during the day tomorrow about sorry i was asleep and blah blah with no real response to how I feel. I just don’t know how much longer I can hold out. Despite what everyone sees, under my smiles, I’m unhappy a great majority of the time. I try to ignore it, but it builds up and turns into these kind of nights. Sorry for the all of the place vent, I just had to let it all. Goodnight.
Well I know have to work 530 to 10 tomorrow, when i get out of school at 4:45, then I have to open at 7am on Thursday. Seriously, why will no one be nice and ever cover shifts for people, because I then get stuck with them. Thanksssssssss.
to sleep in my car because I felt that shitty this morning. Then get to me next class to check my email and one of those classes were canceled, score. Then I didn’t do my math last night because I didn’t understand it and my brain wasn’t working….had another email from that professor and apparently I wasn’t the only one and it’s not extended until Tuesday….double score.
“There’s a reason we all listen to punk rock instead of top 40. There’s a reason I’d rather be stage diving than at a bar. I think that most everyone I know involved in punk or hardcore is intrinsically fucked up on some level. There is something wrong with us. Maybe not “wrong,” but certainly different. Because of this, I think we all share a similar outlook and because of that, we share similar experiences. I’m just writing songs about my life, but it turns out, my life is pretty similar to a lot of other people’s lives and honestly, it feels good to know we’re going through this shit together.”—Soupy Campbell, The Wonder Years (via perfectbetrayal)
I was really sad that that Pop Punk’s Not Dead Tour wasn’t coming near me and the closest show was 5 hours away. BUTTTT they just added a show at our venue on 2nd of November. But for some reason, NFG isn’t playing but I’m still superrrr stocked for the other ones. Thank you soooooo much for making me week.
First off, I will not step foot into work again until Tuesday. Thank god for 4 days off.
Friday = school, helping my sister move, then Sara’s birthday partayyy Saturday = help my sister again, then Shelly’s wedding receptions Sunday = help my sister unpack and hang out there and go shopping. And homework and whatever I feel like doing because I DONT WORK!!!
Pretty much, the plan is to keep my self constantly busy, I stay busy, I don’t think about anything. Because quiet frankly, my head is hurting from always thinking. Really, i have a killer headache right now.